Becoming Phindi

My lawyer sent me a text letting me know the judge granted the divorce. I immediately texted her, “What is the damage?” Her response, “You don’t have to pay him anything!” I thought she was lying. I picked up the phone and let her know I misunderstood the text message. She confirmed the text message. I did not have to pay him a single dime. I did not have to withdraw money from my 401k. I did not have to uproot my child and sell my home. And lastly, I did not have to pay him any child support. Say what!!! Custody was joint and he has the ability to involve himself in our child’s life if he chooses. I wish you could have seen the dance I did while on that phone.

The ruling was more than I could have hoped for. If you recall, I live in a no fault state. Equitable division of assets usually means exactly that. Split right down the middle. However, my lawyer spent much of her energy urging the judge to redefine what is “equitable” in my situation. Despite, her convincing argument, I had mentally prepared myself to suffer a significant loss. To my surprise, the judge ruled in my favor.

Not even an hour after getting the call, I was overcome with deep sadness. Not so much for the divorce…I had already moaned the ending of the relationship. I was sad for the ex husband. How desperate could he be that he could have gone to such length to assassinate my character and get money from me. I then thought maybe if he had money, he would return to be a father to our daughter. Maybe he would move back to the state and help me parent. So the empath in me, started to calculate how much money is in my bank account that I could somehow give to him. I began to think, maybe I should sell my house and split the proceeds with him. Instead of acting on these thoughts, I decided to sleep on this ruling and allow time to tell. I told myself that if he ever moved back to the city of atlanta and showed genuine interest in being my child’s father, then maybe, just maybe I would help. But honestly, why does my heart even pull me in this direction. This is the toxic trait that got me trapped in such an emotionally abusive relationship in the first place. I quickly recognized this and decided to bring it to the therapy table. Work needed to take place.

You would be happy to know that I did not give him any money. And actually after a series of conversations with the man, I realized that he had no plans on returning to parent. He was choosing himself and remained consistently selfish. I am glad I did not part with any cash, because within a week of this ruling, I had a major pike leak in my house that inconvenienced me, and let me tell you about those lawyer fees. $20,000 plus.

I am not complaining, because she did a phenomenal job, but lets just say I am glad I did not foolishly give away money when I clearly needed it.

So what is next? For now, I just want to enjoy moving without the weight of a man who adds no value to my life. And enjoy traveling with my toddler.